Stephanie Spines

Sigh.I'll give E.L James ONE STAR because she actually went through the trouble of writing this. It's like when you get a certificate for participation. Thanks for comin' out.I decided to read this because I needed something pulpy and mind-numbing as I was on vacation. Also, I just needed to know. I NEEDED TO KNOW.Let me start off by saying that the BDSM stuff didn't bother me. I'm ok with kink, I'm ok with BDSM, I'm ok with play rooms and whips and chains and all that jazz. But...First lesson: Don't assume that something so horribly patriarchal, heteronormative and just generally opressive, would be "mind-numbing" to someone with politics like mine.I don't even want to go into this part because it just seems so glaringly obvious. This relationship is abusive and actually a lot of it has me raising issues of consent because of Ana's subsequent responses to some of the things that she was made to do (i.e: post-spanking). Furthermore, Christian Grey is the most stomach-churningly misogynist, stalkerish, sociopathic character I have ever had the displeasure of reading. Ew. He reminds me most of American Psycho's Patrick Bateman. Now imagine if American Psycho was marketed as an erotica. Exactly. I would have been way more ok with the BDSM had it not reproduced patriarchy in such a messed up way. And this is to say nothing of Ana's character... Anyways...Lesson two: E.L James has clearly forgotten what its like to be a young sophomore in college, and has potentially forgotten what its like to have sex as said individual. Nobody would have made it through two years (or however many sophomore is, I'm Canadian) of university without understanding full well how to use email. Nobody. Additionaly, I have never met a sophomore who wore their hair in pigtails unlses they were going to a pyjama party. Finally, nobody says "HOLY COW" when they are mid-coitus. Haha. Coitus. Ana read like a child and it made the erotic parts just so, so...wrong.Anyways, in general this book was just so, so poorly written, like E.L James just got bored one day and decided to pretend to be and 80 year old writing from a 13 year old's perspective. It just did not jive at all. I already feel like I've spend too much time writing this.Save yourself the time and get some better erotica for free on the internet.